Monthly Archives: February 2015
Gratitude has taken a lead role in my daily life these past two weeks, and it all started with the 3 year anniversary of my husband’s sobriety date. The week that lead up to his last drink was a very heavy one for us, and being able to look back and have gratitude for the life we live today has completely consumed me this year. About a year ago I decided that I was also in need of recovery from enabling and loving an alcoholic for as long as I did. At the time I had no idea what that recovery would look like, but I knew that I could not continue operating as I was. While I was thankful for Ryan’s sobriety, it left me confused, hurt, and angry. I desperately wanted to forgive him and myself for all of things we walked through, but I truly had no idea how. After trying a laundry list of activities (working out, writing, reading, running) I decided to bite the bullet and head on over to a local 12 step meeting for people that have been affected by a loved one’s drinking. I knew I was in the right place the moment I sat down, but I still had a hard time believing that this is where my life had taken me. Instead of leaving and trying to drown my feelings with a some retail therapy, I closed my eyes and allowed the stories of hope and experience told by other members to wash over me. I cried, I shared my own story, and I believed the words to “keep coming back, it works if you work it.”
I’ve been a member of this incredible group for almost a year now. So far I have admitted to being powerless over alcohol, have turned my life over to a higher power (which I choose to call God), and I am on my way to turning my life and will over to His care. These meetings, steps, and the people there have been teaching me how to live a life of freedom and gratitude. Freedom from the notion that I have control over anything but my own reaction, and gratitude for wherever my life takes me. Is this kind of thing always easy? Ummmmmm, no! But thankfully I know that the most important thing in my journey is the progress of learning not the perfection of my actions. This truth has saved me from feeling like a complete failure when I do fall.
Take soup making for example; remember the first pot of soup you made? It was alright, I guess. Edible but nothing worth writing home about. Did you throw in the towel, did you give up after your first failed pot of soup. No way! You learned from your mistakes, maybe listened to a more experienced soup maker, and tried again, and again, and again. Will there always be more to learn about soup? Yes, and that willingness to learn will only make you a more imaginative, brave soup maker. Lentils use to intimidate me, (what the heck are these bean like things?!) until I threw them into a pot filled with spicy sausage, spinach, and red wine. Now they are one of my favorite things, and I’m thinking after trying this soup they’ll be one of yours as well.